need rain

[10:39] Bryant: what are you doing?
[10:39] Stacy: hahha u lost the third one
[10:39] Stacy: i just got home from small group
[10:40] Stacy: watering my lawn
[10:40] Stacy: sending some emails
[10:40] Bryant: ah ok
[10:40] Bryant: watering your lawn?
[10:40] Stacy: yup
[10:40] Stacy: my house is sinking
[10:41] Bryant: ????
[10:41] Stacy: i mean
[10:41] Stacy: not that bad
[10:41] Stacy: the earth is cracking
[10:41] Bryant: how are you talking to me?
[10:41] Bryant: i'm so confused
[10:59] Stacy: hm?
[10:59] Stacy: i'm on chat?
[10:59] Bryant: and watering your lawn?
[10:59] Bryant: what?
[10:59] Stacy: OH
[10:59] Stacy: good reminder.
[10:59] Stacy: i can probably turn it off now.
[10:59] Bryant: ??
[10:59] Bryant: haahaha
[10:59] Bryant: ohhhh
[10:59] Bryant: sprinklers

Old school and ok with it

I just sat around for a while and pondered whether to continue using xanga, and decided to heck with hit. Creature of habit, I don't feel like changing now. Great, I actually don't have that much time before going off to work. Random thought for the day, then. My parents just got into town and burst into my normally wordless morning. My dad the talkaholic started lecturing (albeit appropriately) about watering the lawn and taking care of things around the house. The jarring contrast was too much and I had to grab my Bible, agree to taking care of some stuff as I retreated into the haven of my expansion upstairs to read about how utterly sinful people were during the time of Judges. Being utterly sinful hasn't changed. We just all hide it better.

commitment + complaint = suck

I think I have always thought of commitment as a positive thing. I like to think that whenever I show fear or hesitation to commitment it's because I take it seriously. To commit is not only to care, because feelings can be fickle, but to make a conscious choice to do what it takes to ensure the success of whatever may be the endeavor. This is but a generalization, and I know at times "commitments" are handed to you without choice. Even still I see it as a mark of maturity to take it and handle it well. It strikes me as especially incongruous and sad when someone who has voluntarily committed to (essentially, signed up for) a role or an activity in which they are gifted and yet still views it as a burden and not a joy. I know that reality is, we can't love what we do at every single moment, but I guess that's when we ought to review the initial reason why we committed and/or the value in continuing. I imagine this is why it is dangerous to lose that "first love" for Christ, and why we need to consciously come back to this. We need the inspiration of His endless and magnificent love to keep us every-ready to give. I hope that the good in what it is that we do overpowers the sacrifices so much that we don't complain about what we have given up to be doing what we're currently doing. I always get upset with myself when I find myself complaining. Even if I continue to do what it is that I initially considered good or right, my heart attitude is wrong and I have selfish thoughts instead of other-centered, or more importantly, God-pleasing thoughts. What was an offer of love, service, or sacrifice becomes a heartless action. Hello pharisee.

time is so short

I briefly scanned through blog entries from years ago, and it's funny how I've said things like "woooow I have SO much time now after college"... and yet, today, 2 years out of college, I'm wondering if I have enough time to squeeze one Perspectives class into my schedule. Even piano lessons seem like they're too difficult to schedule. Don't be greedy...

A smash summary update...

helping friends with resumes

taking Perspectives (class 1)

chatting with or serving food to homeless people

losing touch with friends from Urbana.

getting involved in Palmer's refugee ministry

no longer coleading small group

discipling Tina and being discipled by Grace

reading more books...at starbucks

cleaning my room

no longer blogging in chinese

cooking and baking more

inviting myself over to friends' places

trying not to stress out at work...

quitting dramas, because I discovered they are an unhealthy way to relieve stress.

terd...

bookworm

Brazilian school years run from February to December. Mei the future architect is going to be starting sophomore year soon. I encouraged her to get more involved in clubs and church since she’s not involved in any extracurriculars. It sounds like she takes school very seriously and really enjoys what she’s studying—tho she thinks she might be being brainwashed to like modernism because that is the preference of her profs. I wonder if she’s as easily swayed as I am by those I respect. She doesn’t like to be in unfamiliar and unwelcoming environments. I told her that not everyone has the ability to see when people are feeling that way, and that perhaps she can be one of the people who reaches out to others. I told her about how I first started to want to understand life from a Christian perspective. It's happened few and far between that I've felt overwhelmed by how much someone loves me. God's love for me despite my lifetime of self-centeredness and apathy toward what he intended life to be lived for is what really turned me around.