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| There are things I've remembered in life that other friends have forgotten. Like Yusen, a friend from four years ago, who IMed me just now coz he plumb forgot who I was. That's ok, being as I was a friend of a friend. I re-introduced myself, and he asked me what I was doing. Deciding whether or not to go to church tomorrow,
I said. Yeah, I managed to catch me some swine flu at the Rice career fair. It turns out Yusen is a fellow church-goer, but he has difficulty rise n'shining come Sunday morning. I did the most encouraging thing I could think of at the time--I told him my situation, and told him he should go to church for me, since I couldn't. And then pray for me to recover from swine flu... hehe. Nice guy, I think he actually might. I didn't tell him, but I am praying for him too.
Tuesday till now..working on my 5th day of being quarantined. I have to say that being an introvert has made this process a lot less torturous than it otherwise could have been. However, even introverts get lonely, so every time my phone rings it's a nice break (wow! Andy sent me a txt msg just as I typed that ^_^), except for the part where I have to pacify my parents worries (convince them I'm not turning purple or infecting my siblings). I think of Henry and Jean every day because of the chicken soup with veggies they brot me that I've literally been eating every day since then. Kurt has called pretty often too. I hope with time our miscommunications will decrease, but uh, man. Language barriers, I forget they can exist in friendships. It's been that long since Taiwan eh.
It's like a splash of water when a friend reminds me of something I myself have plumb forgotten. Sometimes it brings me to my senses, like when I forget just how deeply close friends can hurt each other. And sometimes it leaves me confused, like when Ed says he visited the Cheng house in Baton Rouge and even gave me and Alice a ride to Houston. And that we once went karaoking. I honestly have 0 recollection. Nor can I remember Jon Huang from childhood. Some things just ... don't come back? Not even positive memories.
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| Hi. I still remember you. Speaking of remember, there's this song I've been listening to on repeat in my car.
我努力想起你笑着哭泣 让自己深爱你再学会放弃 我不想忘记你 就算可以 我宁可记得所有伤心 我努力想起你苦也没关系 用祝福和感激勇敢失去你 爱你这个决定 虽然艰辛 我不说对不起
ok had to get that out of my system. Meanwhile, news to report. Besides that my friends are all getting engaged, I think another remarkable event is my new desire to really know the Bible. I want to trust God more, to have more faith. It boils down to a life changed by knowing God's Word. God has really made grand provisions in this regard. I think when he put it on my heart, and I let that be what I expressed interest in to others, grace abounded. I didn't expect myself to befriend a pastor at camp, much less have him be the one who was supposed to teach the workshop on "Loving the Word." But there we were, a few days later, a circle of campers and counselors eagerly soaking up hermeneutics. I was excited and scared at the same time, because I began to feel my spirit crushed by the inability to discover insight by myself. For the first time I longed to be discipled, then felt disgusted that I didn't think I could study the Bible alone. After camp, to my delight, I discovered that the next Sunday school quarter had a class on Bible in 90 days. I knew that that was where I belonged, to discover on my own and then have a group to discuss with me. It was perfect! At boot camp, I asked Miltinnie how she studied the Bible, and she recommended Howard Hendrick's Living by the Book. I did what little sisters do best, and asked my brother to buy it for me. Two Amazon days later, despite the fact that my sister went on vacation with the only copy of our mailbox key, it showed up on our front porch. It's a been a fun reading adventure.
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| wow, I totally did a terrible job of doing my once a month post. Um...note to self. post. soon.
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| How did time fly so fast?? I can't believe I've been back for as long as I spent in Taiwan. Have I become a semester's worth of a better person? I think I tend to feel like I should be committed to and working towards goals just because up until December, that was what my life had looked like for years. I think it's good for me, coz it forces me to do something about it instead of procrastinating and being lazy.
Anyways, what have I been up to? too lazy to paragraph, so, going back to the old style
flag football
tennis with brother, Kai, Joe, etc
rooting for the Rockets
watching Chinese dramas
hanging out with small group for hours at a time
befriending coworkers
reading Celebration of Discipline/ discipleship book
starcraft (way more ppl play than I thot)
Chinese with Laura/Yvonne
listening to Chinese sermons from CHC
trying to locate my spotty English buddy
serving food at Palmer
accidentally talking/thinking like a programmer outside of work >_<
encouraging fellowship
planning my sister's WEDDING!!!!
soon to be:
training for triathlon?
outer loop with Karen
english buddy core team?
discipling Tina
camp counselor
I know, these are all activities, which may or may not represent a significant change in one way or another. Recently I've been challenged to have patience in areas interacting with strangers, like dealing with not so stellar customer service at the post office or car service shop, or in explaining code/changes to a coworker. Work life has been quite a cultural experience. It's pointing out the lack of American-ness in me in several ways.
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| As my third month of work at Quorum came and passed, I've realized that routine has settled in. Do you like where you are, self? Some days while I sail in my car or flop exhaustedly onto my bed, I thank God for all that he's given me, the friends, the church, the job, the house, the car, the peace, the love, the comfort. But I think I need to grab on harder to the purpose.
My new years resolutions have been helping me remember my semi-long term goals for the year. To keep better in touch, I've done spotfully. I suppose the first year post college is the most heart-breaking, because recent friends are so far, so scattered, that attempting to maintain all friendships is far too difficult to even hope to succeed. For those I did manage to KIT with...Johnson got baptized on Easter Sunday! I've been emailing and hearing more often about how he's reaching out to his friends, growing spiritually, and praying to experience God's love. I was growing out of touch with Kurt for a while, and beginning to miss him but also realizing that I need to stop being selfish in my friendships. I need to remember that the best way to love someone is to help them find their joy in the Lord, to help them become close to God. A hope that never perishes. It isn't about receiving love or friendship back from them, but to help them find meaning, belonging, and love. Sometimes I lose sight of this and begin longing to be understood, to be loved, to be cherished. These are good things, but they should be directed first and foremost to God.
Bryan called the other day to make sure I was ok. I guess I left a post sounding kind of glum. That mood surfaces from time to time, but for the most part I'm quite happy. In fact, sometimes I think I have too much. I look at the books on my shelves, the clothes in my closet, the stuffed animals all around me, and I just want to give it all away and simplify my life (reduce to lowest terms?) I think I've been influenced a lot by Henry and his heart for social justice. Going to make and serve breakfast to the homeless the past five weeks has been quite fulfilling. When I struggle to slice hard bagels, get my gloves all sticky from arranging sweets, stir a ginormous pot of soup with a mini-paddle, I feel very much at like this is where I should be. When I hand out spoons and napkins to hundreds of people, I realize that these people with very little, materially, can still be cheerful, thankful, and praise the Lord. Last Monday, jokes aside, they said things like, "what are you studying? What do you want to do in the future? This is good practice for social work. You want to do social work in the future? It's great to see a beautiful face in the morning." The contrast from being in this environment to entering the serious, paying, luxurious workplace almost makes me feel like another me. I suppose both places contain people I long to connect with. However, I feel like one world will never meet the other. I'm glad Henry and Eric cross this bridge with me. I hope more people join us in the future.
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